Glory
When I was young, I was a “daddy girl” and was consumed with being tucked in my bed, visits to the play ground and amateur cooking lessons with my father. But over time, my relationship with him became more and more fractured. At age 23, I have been able to move past some of the disappointments and frustrations that I felt as a teenager towards him and can honestly say that our relationship is gradually becoming stronger. However for many women my age and my race, the story is different. Between a less than accessible job market, the unstable economy, latent effects of the crack epidemic, alcohol and substance abuse as well as simply a decreasing standard of responsibility, the number of “daddy’s girls” are slimming out.
Jay Z’s “Glory” got me to thinking about the importance of fatherhood in the African American community and the overarching need to raise a child in two-parent homes. Nearly half of all African American children today grow up without their father. Far too often, women are having to step up financially and emotionally to provide for their children; some, looking to maintain a love life of their own in the midst. This imbalance can easily confuse a young boy or girl and skew their view of relationships and all of the traits that accompany it-love, compromise, friendship, etc. Furthermore, it makes them question the presence of one parent and absence of another, leaving some in craving the love of their father. For girls, a father also sets the standard of what a man should be to his wife. He serves as an example the type of man that she should settle with. Similarly, for boys, fathers simply serve as an example of what to live up to. I have always believed that no one can teach a boy how to be a man like his father. And vice versa for mothers. While it doesn’t guarantee that the child won’t make a bad decision and it doesn’t automatically grant a prosperous future, it does offer support to the other parent, to the child and therefore, to the community as whole.
Willie Lynch is probably the earliest advocate and facilitator of “the absent dad” in the Black community. Since slavery, the most rebellious, strongest and fearless father was humiliated by the overseer or slave owner in front of his family and taken away. Today, the same things transpire. In low income Black communities, Black men are unjustly beaten and imprisoned by police officers. In fact, there are more African American men in prison today than those who were enslaved in 1850. This has massive effects on Black families throughout the country and further contributes to the growing number of single parent homes.
Weather its Jay Z’s infatuation with Blue, Stevie Wonders love with Aisha or even Lauryn Hill’s adoration with Zion, what is clear is the need for balance when raising a child. So many women have done well as single parents, my mom as one of them. Moreover, so many are left to raise their children single handedly because the other parent is unfit – abusive, an addict, etc. But as Black people, we do have to demand more from our counterparts and ensure that in some way shape or form, children are receiving both male and female role models, examples, and support. It takes a village to raise a child, at the very least, it takes more than one parent.
